yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
