the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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