He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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