wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
