Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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