Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
