All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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