woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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