Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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