we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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