oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize