It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
When are your genitals available?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
