So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
