I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
