is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
