glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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