She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize