so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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