somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
