Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
