Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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