I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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