I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
