Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
