i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
