Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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