That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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