I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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