Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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