She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So. Much. Porn.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
