I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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