he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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