We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
