the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
