I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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