She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
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