I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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