i think i have herpe
just one?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
