I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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