Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
