is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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