Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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