kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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