mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
