You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
