sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
