I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
