Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
