Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I need a burrito and a hug.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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