well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
