If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
