I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
