somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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