I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
