I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
