I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
