I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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