I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize