I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
