Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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