he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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