Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
