just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
