Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
