Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Randomize
