I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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