I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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