I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
