Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
