We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize